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On the road to happiness small, irrelevant things encountered along the way can make the journey less tiring. We've been looking for some of those amusing incidents that raise a smile. There'll be nothing too serious in Popcorn, just a few reflections on life's lighter side. Please enjoy.....

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Feral Pest Control Information Sheet

Hoonus Moronicus (noisy rubber-burner)
Mainly nocturnal, Hoonus frequents stretches of road where it is less likely to be caught and can perform acts of ritual posturing for self-aggrandisement and the benefit of tyre manufacturers. Often heard in the distance at night, its mating call, a roaring squeal, is sometimes accompanied by the familiar "whipp, whipp" of Coppernickus Localis (flashing dick-catcher). Seldom witnessed in the territorial marking of bitumen surfaces, its deposits of rubber form snaking tracks and doughnuts which are longer lasting than the 28 days for which its vehicle is impounded, if apprehended.

Spraeus Graffitii (lesser-spotted tag dauber)
Not to be confused with Artisticus Graffitii, one has to be quick to sight this fleeting pest. Evidence of its former presence, however, is easily recognised as a hasty, unsightly scrawl of letters, usually black, declaring the identity of the individual dauber. Unafraid of CCTV cameras, and because of its unique paw-print, it is not hard to locate and catch. Unfortunately, owing to its low intelligence and the tendency to not give a stuff about anyone or anything, it is almost impossible to rehabilitate.

Destructus Florii (big-footed plant stomper)
Either illiterate, or just plain careless, the big-foot seems attracted to tourist parking bays surrounded by formal gardens and areas of natural bush. Once there, it will ignore signs and boundary fences prohibiting invasion of plant habitats to climb, bash, tromp and break any living thing smaller or weaker than itself. Of no particular age, the plant wrecker is invisible in a crowd, but all-too obvious when alone and exacting its mindless destruction. Unless wearing a Ranger's uniform, beware of confronting these arrogant, self-indulgent twits!

Destructus Omnii (common vandal)
Usually younger members of the sub-species Delinquentis Animalis, the common vandal takes perverse satisfaction in destroying anything, even previously damaged facilities. It will target signs, walls, windows and public structures, especially those designed for the pleasure and convenience of its elders. No reason has yet been discovered for this costly, anti-social behaviour. Scientists originally believed boredom to be a factor; but a recent analysis of a captured group of these creatures failed to find a single brain between them. Research continues and tests are now being conducted to ascertain if Destructus Omnii is related to battery acid.

If you sight any of the above, please contact: The Department of Foreign Unfairs

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